I started a blog on prepositions and it disappeared. the old way of writing and having it there to be ,perhaps , lost in a pile of other papers makes me wistful.
These thoughts refer to the time during the trip to the trees when I resigned as Mother. In a way, Mariah ,in the Old Woman did the same thing . Protesting her daughter Mary's painting the interior of their bungalow without consulting her, telling her she did it FOR her. It sends sparks to the existing anger in Mariah over losing her money, her husband and the keys to the car. This sends her down into the basement.
The trip to see the redwoods was wonderful. Set up by my son. Made possible by one daughter going with me on the plane, getting wheelchairs for the airport .the other two drove cars, a granddaughter found restaurants, etc. I paid . Seeing the trees was definitely a WITH.On the last day
packed into the car, they tell stories from growing -up. Returning their fiity year old selves to childhood . We get out of the car at a restaurant, they stand in a circle. I'm over on the sidewalk. loving their laughing but staring down and wondering why I'm by myself.
At the end of a long hot tiring day, my grown children and I are in a hotel room together . I'm exhausted. Tell myself so then announce , "Don't call me Mother anymore. Call me Bahpu, the grandchildren's name or Gwenda . I'll always be your mother but I want you to know me as a person before I die." Saying I want to be with you in the circle.
I told this to a friend, and she said, "It isn't possible. " Another said,"Friendship with your kids is not negotiable..' I guess so. But I think being WITH is possible.
My oldest daughter named me BMG...short for BahpuMotherGwenda. sounds like an expensive car but ,how about this, it is also crone, mother ,maiden. Stages in a woman's life. Yes.